The Lord of The Rings?
by Morgaine Moonblade
Summary: What do you get when you cross Gundam Wing, Lord of the Rings, and Me, the insane Author of this story? One very funny yet srewed up fanfict!
1. The Story Begins!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Lord Of The Rings……* Cough yet*……

Voice: "There was like……a dark and depressing time in like this land called um……oh yeah! Middle Earth……Yah see, there was this like dude who was like evil-."

DUE TO SOME DIFFICULTIES WITH THE WRITERS WE'VE HAD TO HIRE A NEW NARRATOR.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

In the little town of Hobbiton, there lived a little-blond-blue-eyed hobbit named Quatre Winner.  He lived in the biggest hole and had the most riches, but he was still kind.  But being kind wasn't enough for the other hobbits and so he became an outcast.  His only friends were: the Great Wizard (or doctor as he prefers) G, and a somewhat psycho hobbit named Nirkit.  He was only called psycho by the other hobbits because he had multiple personalities: Nirkit, a little alien in his brain named Kenji, and Fred.

            Quatre was not family-less.  He had a father but he died……so I guess he is family-less……any way, his father died when he was only five and left him all his possessions, (which is basically the whole point because if he hadn't we wouldn't have a story!) including a gold ring.

            Quatre never really cared about the ring even though it was a magic ring and his father most prized possession.  He kept the ring locked up in a trunk and he eventually forgot about it.

            The years past by (10 to be exact) and he developed into a good-looking young hobbit.  But other things can happen within ten years also.  In fact, something did happen.  Treize, the greatest evil in Middle Earth had revised and took the form of a big fiery eyeball that would at times change its shape to be a big fiery rose.  All feared him.  He was back and he wanted his ring back; which was momentarily in Quatre's possession.

            It was Doctor G who first realized what the young hobbit had locked away in a trunk.  He then decided to inform Quatre of this news.  The conversation went like this:

            "Um, Quatre?" asked a momentarily, incredibly insecure Doctor G.

            "Yes?" the innocently naive Quatre replied.

Doctor G & Quatre: HEY!

Narrator: Sorry! Jeez……Actors! Anyways……

            "Well……I……I……um……well, what I mean to say is-."

            "Spill it!"

            "You-have-the-one-ring-that-once-belonged-to-the-all-powerful-and-evil-Treize-whose-now-looking-for-it-and-you-are-now-in-grave-peril!"

            "WHAT!  ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE RING THAT HAS BEEN IN MY TRUNCK FOR TEN YEARS IS ACTUALLY TREIZE'S AND NOW, SINCE I HAVE IT, I'M IN DANGER!"

            "Yes," he answered meekly.

            "YOU--," (this part is censored because, even though I, the narrator, do in fact swear fluently, it is far to foul for even a drunk Irish drug dealer on crack).

Ten minute of ear splitting pain and curses later……

            Quatre, after having been given a couple of good sedatives, had calmed down a bit.  Then he and Doctor G decided that he should leave Hobbiton and head for the local tavern, The Hopping Horse, where he and Doctor G would meet up.

            Then, outside of a window, the two heard what sounded like twins arguing, when in fact, it was just Nirkit fighting with Kurt over whether they (or he) should go with Quatre on his quest or not.  Finally, Doctor G, as a punishment for ease dropping, decided it for them (or him).

Two hours later they stood on at the beginning of the path that led into the woods.  Before they left, Doctor G had warned them to stay off the main road, only travel by day, and look out because the enemy has many spies.

Nirkit: I wonder why he warned us about all that stuff?

Kenji: Because he's a paranoid freak with no life.

Fred: Who is?

Kenji: You are!

Fred: oh!

Nirkit: No Stupid! He's talking about Doctor G!

And with that, the two (or four) hobbits departed for The Hopping Horse.

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Morgaine: Thank you for reading my Fic!

Quatre: You were a little mean!

Morgaine: I'm not making fun of you; I'm making fun of Frodo.

Quatre: Oh Okay!

Morgaine: Please Read And Review!


	2. Strange Meetings

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Lord of the Rings……*cough* yet *cough*

We find our heroes—sorry, wrong TV show!  It's been three days since Quatre and Nirkit left Hobbiton and they were getting a little edgy.  For one, five scary riders cloaked all in black were stalking them!  And because of them, Quatre was becoming twitchier, and needed more and more sedatives.  Second, Nirkit's other two personalities were becoming harder to silence because they always had an opinion on something.

Nirkit: This blows!

Kenji: Well you chose to take Doctor G's Advice!

Nirkit: Like I had a choice!  I had to follow Quatre!  He chose to take this path, not me.

Fred: Its not that bad!  I kind of' like the view……Its pretty!

Nirkit: Shut.

Kenji: Up.

            The two hobbits followed the path all day, and by sunset, the finally reached the gate for the town of Happy-Go-Lucky.  Nirkit pulled the little rope that rings the bell. They didn't have to wait long, because a grumpy old man opened the little window to see who it was.

            "Who range that bell?" he growled.

            "We-we just wanted to-to go to the-the tavern!" Quatre whimpered, and then he broke down crying.

            "You *beep*!  He didn't do anything! And we're all out of sedatives so now I can't come him down!"  Nirkit scolded.

            "Beg m'pardon sir!  I meant no harm!  Please, come in!" the man said.  

They entered and he walked them up to the door of The Hopping Horse.  But before they were about to thank him and enter, he stopped them.  

"What's you're name, if you don't mind me asking."

            "Um…I'm Mister…ah…Beeves And he's…Mister…Butthead…he he," Quatre stuttered nervously.

            "Right."

When they opened the door, they were suffocated by smoke and the nasty smells.

Nirkit: Can't…

Kenji: Breath…!

Fred: Oooh! Is that ale?

Nirkit: Silence!

Kenji: Infidel! 

            A man, who, apparently, owned the tavern, met them at the door.  Since he is an unworthy nobody unworthy of being mentioned, we'll keep his part to minimum.  Basically he gave them rooms and then they went to have supper.  Nirkit immediately went for the ale.  He got drunk very quickly; and that meant he became very loud…and truthful.

            Quatre also noticed that a mysterious looking man was and has been staring at them the entire time.  Because the he was wearing a cloak, Quatre couldn't see any distinct features, such as his face.  Instead, all he could see was a pair a Persian blue eyes.  This disturbed him a little and he tried to ignore the stranger.  Just then he noticed that Nirkit was about to slip about the ring.

Nirkit: yeah!  We've been on the road for what, three days now?  My pal Quatre and I have to…um…hold on I'll think of it!

Kenji: The ring you nimrod!

Fred: That wasn't very nice!

Kenji: Do see the words I give a shit written across my forehead?

Fred: No…

Nirkit: Oh yeah! Well we have to destroy a ring so we can—

            But before Nirkit could finish Quatre jumped up and tackled him.

            "Ow! That hurt!" Nirkit growled and then he pushed Quatre off of him.  When he did so, the ring fell out of Quatre's pocket.  This caused the man in the corner to sit up straighter.  The ring rolled about on the floor as many feet kicked it.  Quatre finally caught up to it and put it back in his pocket.  Then suddenly, a hand grabbed his coat and he was carried up stairs to a private room.

            There, he was throne to the floor, and the door was shut behind him.  Quatre scrambled up and turned to face his captor.

            "What was that for you butthead?!?" He demanded.

            His captor walked towards the window and put out the candles.  The he turned around and pulled down his hood.

            "Oh!  So at least I know what _SPECIES_ you are! Now how about your name?!" Quatre Demanded Angrily.  Steam was starting to come out of his ears.  The door slammed open and in ran Nirkit, waving his sword around at the man.

Nirkit: Stop.

Kenji: Right.

Fred: There.

            "Put your weapon away," he commanded.  Nirkit dropped his sword and sat down in a near by chair.

Nirkit: He's good.

Kenji: Yeah!

Fred: I like Pie!

"My name is Heero Yuy.  Or at least that's one of my many names.  Now should I be calling you Mr. Beeves or Quatre?"  
  


            "Oh crap," Quatre muttered.

            "Don't worry.  I'm on your side.  But you must be more careful!"

Nirkit: Why should we believe you?

Kenji: For all we know you could be trying to lead us into a false sense of security, only for you to snatch the ring from us and then kill us in a violent yet overly planned manner!

Fred: Yeah!

            "Because If I had planned to steel the ring you all would have been dead by now," he stated simply.  "But it's nice to see that you're finally exercising caution!  Tonight you will sleep in my room."

Nirkit: Hey!  Wait just a minute!

Kenji: We're not _those_ types of hobbits.

Nirkit: What kind of guy are you?

Kenji: a pedophile?

Fred: EEEEWWWW! GGGGRRRROOOOSSSS!

Nirkit: Yeah! _Now_ he says something right!

            "What are you talking about?  I mean, by you staying in my room tonight, I can protect you from the Ring Raiders that are momentarily out for your blood."

            "Then I guess it's okay…" stated Quatre cautiously.

            "Tomorrow we'll be heading for The Elvin City of Oceanchip."

All: YAY!

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AN: Thanks For Reading my story!  PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me feel bad when people don't review my stories.  And feel free to read my original stories!


	3. Reminiscence

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing _OR_ Lord of the Rings!

            It's the next day, and Nirkit, Quatre and Heero are now walking through the wilderness toward the elfin city of Oceanchip.  Actually, Heero was walking.  Quatre and Nirkit, being of their short height, were jogging in order to just keep up with him.  Heero was being his usual self, serious and unemotionally silent.  Nirkit, being the complete opposite, was arguing loudly with his two other personalities about nothing in particular.  But Quatre was silent, surprisingly, because he would usually be talking to Nirkit, Kenji, or Fred. Instead, he was thinking of the events of the previous evening.

**The scene starts to shake ***everyone stars screaming*

*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~* 

            The fire was crackling in the small fireplace, warming the room to a very comfortable temperature.  Quatre and Nirkit were lying on separate ends of the bed (A welcoming relief to sleeping on the cold, moldy, buggy, wet, hard, dirty-sorry, got carried away-ground) and Heero was sitting in a chair next to the window, keeping watch.  So far, the only sound that could be heard was Nirkit's snores (which are REALLY loud—like avalanche-causing loud).

            Quatre had been lying awake, thinking about what a dork Doctor G was, when a horrible, high-pitched screech rang across the town, shattering any glass with in it's path.  Quatre and Heero sat bolt upright and stared at each other.  Nirkit just mumbled in his sleep ("No mommy! Stop it!").  A few incredibly silent moments passed before the sound occurred again.  Nirkit woke up and looked at Heero.  Heero just sat there, staring out the window and smoking a pipe.

Nirkit: What the hell was that!

Kenji: Sounds like someone's mother-in-law came to visit

Nirkit: Hehehe! That was good!

Fred: oh no! It's the boogieman!!

Nirkit: Baby!

Kenji: Fred…

Fred: Yes?

Kenji: Shut up!

            "That wasn't a visiting in-law," Heero stated quietly.  "That was aggravated cry of one of the evil creatures that has been sent after you for the ring."

            "And that would be…?" Quatre asked nervously.

            "Band Breakers."

            "Oh Shit."

Nirkit: What are they?

Kenji: They sound like a bunch of guys who rape people…Kind of like you Heero!

            Heero growled in his throat.  "For the last time I was _not_ trying to rape Quatre! Second, they are said to be a group of old diplomats whom Treize deceived."

Nirkit: Oh.

            "They have no physical form.  They are more like wandering spirits who can take any form. They're also known to be merciless killers who would end a life just on a whim."

Fred: Pretty!

            "Go back to sleep.  You'll be needing that strength for later."  Quatre and Nirkit nodded and flopped back down on the bed.

Kenji: He actually expects us to sleep?

Nirkit: Apparently so…

~*~*~* End OF Flashback *~*~*~

Nirkit: Oy! Next time you're going to have a flashback, WARN US!

Kenji: Yeah!

Fred: My head hurts!

            The group continued on at a very fast pace for three days with few breaks.  The two hobbits (or four) were exhausted.  They couldn't keep up at this speed because on their incredibly short legs.

Nirkit: Water! *Gasping* Need water!

Kenji: Remind me again why we're following this suicidal lunatic?

Nirkit: Like we should be talking!  We're not exactly 100% sane!

Kenji: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nirkit: We're following him because he seems to know the way, and Quatre seems to trust him.

Kenji: He's to trusting of people.

Fred: Think of it this way…we're now more fit and can run farther than we normally could if we were being chased.

Kenji: OH.  MY.  _GOD_.

Nirkit: It's the apocalypse!  Judgment day has arrived!  The day of Reckoning is here!

Kenji: Fred said something _Intelligent_!

*****************

AN: Thanks for reading! I just wanted to post a chapter before I leave for a 3 week vacation.


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